Maybe you’ve been told you need a MIAM before you can go to court. Maybe you’ve heard about mediation from a friend who went through it too. Maybe you’ve been googling how to have difficult conversations with your ex. Whatever the reason, you’ve hit upon mediation as a possible solution. But how do you choose a mediator?
Anyone can call themselves a mediator; the word isn’t protected by law.
Here is my guide to choosing the right mediator for you.
1.Are they independent of both of you?
Your mediator must be impartial, so they shouldn’t have a conflict of interest. That means they can’t be someone either of you already knows in a different context. They also can’t be connected to a law firm that is representing either one of you.
If you’re not sure, ask. A good mediator will check for any conflict of interest before taking on your case.
2.Are they registered with the Family Mediation Council?
The Family Mediation Council (FMC) is the body that sets standards for family mediators in England and Wales. A mediator on its register has completed approved training, carries professional insurance, keeps their training up to date, and follows the FMC’s Code of Practice. If something goes wrong, there is a complaints process you can use.
Checking takes one minute. The FMC has a free online register on its website where you can search by name or by postcode. As well as their register entry, every registered mediator also has a unique reference number. Mine is 2189T.
3.What stage of accreditation are they at?
Registered mediators are either fully accredited or working towards accreditation. All registered mediators are qualified to mediate, but a mediator who is working towards accreditation practises under the supervision of an experienced, accredited mediator who oversees their casework.
Mediators who are working towards accreditation can’t sign any court forms themselves, but they can still conduct your MIAM and their supervisor will sign the form if you want to apply to court.
The difference in accreditation only really matters if you’re eligible for the government voucher of £500 that can reduce the costs of joint mediation in cases affecting children. The voucher can only be used with an FMC-accredited mediator. I am still working towards my accreditation, so if you would qualify for the voucher, you can choose between a free first joint session with me, or co-mediation with my supervisor, Philippa Cullen, so that you can use the voucher. You can find out more on my fees page.
A good mediator will be honest with you about their status and how it works in practice.
4.Can they help with what you need?
Family mediation usually covers two areas: arrangements for children, or property and finance. Some mediators handle both and some specialise, but most of us are generalists because the process is the same, regardless of issue. Mediators can also work with unmarried couples on property and child issues, or with other family members like step-parents, grandparents, or kinship carers.
However, you might feel that you need a mediator with a particular specialism, such as Islamic finance, or one who is particularly sensitised to neurodiversity (say) or the dynamics of domestic abuse.
Feel free to ask mediators questions about their competence and knowledge. A good mediator will answer your concerns properly, and be honest about their training and experience.
5.Are their fees clear?
Mediation is cheaper than going to court but some mediators charge more than others. You should know what you are going to pay before you start. Look for a mediator who sets out their fees clearly.
You can see my fees here.
Some mediators will charge you extra for producing documents like Parenting Plans, Financial Summaries, or Memorandums of Understanding. Others will include all documentation within their session rate.
Not all of us are able to offer legal aid but we should be able to point you to an organisation that does.
Note that you may still need to budget for solicitors’ fees too. Mediators cannot offer legal advice, nor can we draw up consent orders for court.
6.Are they genuinely local to your area?
Nowadays a lot of mediation takes place online, but there can be benefits to meeting in person and that may be your preference. The court system can vary from area to area too, which is another reason to choose a mediator local to you.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of organisations that pretend to have a local presence but will always steer you to online mediation because their mediators are, in reality, based elsewhere. Be wary of the mediators that claim 20 different addresses in the FMC search tool, or the organisations that appear in Google searches for every location but don’t seem to have an address...
7.Do you feel comfortable with them?
Mediation means having difficult conversations and you’ll want to feel that your mediator is empathetic, fair, and calm. Some mediators offer a short free consultation, where you can put a voice or a face to a name and get a sense of their personality and approach.
Finding a family mediator in Newcastle and the North East
I am Rachel Moles, a family mediator based in Newcastle upon Tyne. I am registered with the Family Mediation Council and a member of the Family Mediators Association. I help separating couples and families with child arrangements, co-parenting, and finances.